After much rumminating on the culmination of this stage of my life (high School), I came upon a sudden realization....How the fuck does one socialize and meet new people? I know many people...they just don't know me. I'm not psycho, I don't want to sound like a stalker....but from the public gatherins I have attended I meet people or observe people for the most part..a small introduction and that is it. They are stored in my memory of endless faces and matching names but I am not stored in theirs...sincrely it never really crossed my mind that I do not make much of an impression for anybody. I just never really mattered to get past that "Hello my name is..." after being introduced. I never saw it as significant. However now that I am going to Cal State Northridge completely on my own, I realized that I might be forced to meet new people beceause the people I do know are not going to be there any longer. It is not like I made all that many new friends, the few friends I do have I have known for four years or longer. It was just circumstancial. I do not want to sound like a bitch. I am very glad and blessed for havng met the people I met and grew fond of...but during these years I never really bothered to practice these socializing skills...Why would I have? I had friends already. Meeting new people was the last thing on my mind.
I guess it is my fault for not looking at things from a more broad point of view.
I never really did.
I avoided parties because sincerely I am not a party person...I just sit and observe people...and the parties I did go willingly, were only parties that were filled with people I knew already....
So now I wonder....how the hell am I gonna manage....
I came upon this sudden thought when someone I know went to The Heist...a place I had wanted to go to but couldn't since I never have a ride anywhere and no one to go with since most of the people that I know do not go out at night.....
Well anyway this though eventually led to other thoughts that had to do with the trust I have in people and how much I can really sit down and have a genuine conversation with....then after much counting and deductions it all came down to a depressing zero....
I really can't remember the last time I had a conversation with someone where I could speak freely and without being interrupted.
I also realized that a lot of the times I have something to say I always get cut short and never really say what I have to say or get whatever I have on my chest at the moment...
I am always listening to people and getting their side of it. I really can't remember when I could sit down and tell someone what was on my mind and being sincerely listened to....then I noticed that that really fucken sucks....I had never really given it a though until now....and it blows....O_o.....I really have no idea why I noticed this now....
Do not get me wrong, specially those of you who always tell me what's on your head and your feelings, I love to be there for you and listen to you I really do....I thrive from giving people company, care and comprehension. Its nice and by far the only nice thing I can do...
It's just that I noticed this now....sorry....
I was just writing about it....
Well that's it for now....
Lates....
