And what were thou, and earth, and stars, and sea, if to the human mind's imaginings Silence and solitude were vacancy?

I posted this as my Status yesterday
and I finished it with the line "I shouldn't
but I AM going to smoke a stogee. =) Hahaha how melodramatic! =P,"
But believe you me, it was not about a cigarette.

"I shouldn't but I am,
because all I do is fool myself
into believing I can be better than what I am.
It is all a dream,
a wild fantasy
that will never change.
I am stuck here trying to let myself go
and I can't
because I am afraid.
Of what, I do not know.
I fool myself into the impression
that I am using you
when in reality
you use me."

But nobody knows that I really truly meant it.

I also wrote a small poem, after I saw the German movie
"Das Experiment" (which is now an American movie with Christian Bale
named "The Experiment") and after finding out that
it was based on an actual experiment named
"The Standford Prison Experiment" and after
I found out about "The Milgram Experiment."

"The Dark that lurks in human soul,

Its power waits to take its toll.

At night my soul in terror cold it folds,

To know that of my soul it took a hold."

It has no name and I believe it true.

Why is it that.....

Every time I want to talk to someone and vent my feelings, there is no one there. If I call a friend to talk, they end up talking about themselves and only themselves. I mean, I do not blame them completely because they are so used to hearing me answer "Nothing really, you know me, I have no life." when they ask "So what's up with you?" I do have a life, I do have feelings, and I have thoughts too. I am aware that a lot of the times when I indulge in a bitchfest I usually seem to be sharing a lot. In reality I am not. I really am not. I share so little of myself nowadays, that I am not really sure what I feel anymore. Obviously I can't share what I feel here either...it's the fucking world wide web. I just thought I should write this for no one to read.

-Clara