Death

Well today I stopped by the corner where Plazola, Morales, Weist and Guevara eat lunch...and by rare chance Duque was there too. So he begins to tell us that his mother-in-law passed away. According to Duque she died of renal failure...and then I state that my mother also died of the same thing. Wiest then says that people react differently to death...and then I began to think about how I reacted. I cried, I felt lonely, vulnerable...but I got over it. I did. I occasionally get mad because she dies so soon and that consequently made things hard for me...but I am actually over it. Am I a bad person because after four years like my sister does? Am I insensitive?
I occasionally still get baffled at how some one can be there one minute and not the next minute. I do not know what to say....I can't find the words to describe what I think....which is why i do not write as much anymore...the voice I had in my head will not communicate with my fingers and mouth and thus my thought are trapped in my head...never finding words to define them...It has been happening for the past two years...
Point of the matter...is that I feel numb about the whole situation...and yet I feel something...i just can't describe it because it's so foreign for me...I know it is not grief....I probably suppressed my mourning rather prematurely... I do not know...I'm tired
Lates.
Clara